Have You Ever Been In Love, Doctor?
by theskyisawake
Summary: 11th Doctor Remembers Rose


"Have you ever been in love, Doctor?" Amy asked, staring at Rory as she slowly smirked. Rory pulled her in and hugged her, whispering something he couldn't hear in her ear.

The two had recently been married and their overflowing love was intoxicating, distracting, and disgusting. Yet, at the same time, jealousy washed over him as he watched them kiss, hug, or show other forms of affection. It reminded him of what he never had and what he never would have.

"Yes," he whispered softly, thinking of his one and only. The only girl that ever had the power to steal his heart, to fill his every thought.

Rory and Amy stopped, both of them staring at him with wide eyes.

"You?" Rory snorted, "You've been in love?"

The Doctor looked down in shame, regretting his recent words.

"With who?" Amy insisted, sitting down next to him. Rory stood with his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised, obviously skeptical. Rory had always seen the Doctor as more alien than human, and he had never imagined the man capable of such a feeling as love.

"Her name was..." the Doctor began, trailing off mid-sentence as his head was filled with more thoughts of his beloved. Pink and yellow. Perfect in every possible way.

"What?" Rory pushed.

"Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it?" Amy suggested to Rory, though she secretly wanted to force the answer out of him with whatever it took.

"Rose. Rose Tyler."

Just speaking her name through his lips ignited a wave of memories that drowned him like the tide during a full moon, overwhelming his entire existence. It was a feeling that he had only ever felt when thinking of her, his one and only Rose.

He could remember vividly her brown eyes and blonde hair, his pink and yellow Rose. He loved her smile and the way her tongue would peak in between her teeth, he loved her voice and the way her hand felt entwined in his, their fingers fitting together like a puzzle destined to be complete. He could remember how captivating her breathtaking eyes were, and how they would mesmerize anyone who had the pleasure of looking into them. He could remember her huge heart and loving personality, her gentle soul and her tender touch.

He could once again smell her perfume and remember the way he would have to stop as soon as he smelled it in order to calm himself down. He remembered the taste of her lipgloss on her lips, the way it felt to hold her in his arms and feel as if their infinite future spread before them.

He could hear her voice like vanilla as it filled the air, drinking her every word like an alcoholic consumes his last glass of wine. He remembered the way that she would look into his eyes, as if she was looking at the most intriguing thing she had ever seen in her life.

_I made my decision a long time ago. I'm never going to leave you._

He could hear her laugh again, innocent and naïve. He remembered the way it would ring through the air, lightening the mood of anyone whose ears it passed.

_How long are you going to stay with me?_

_Forever._

Forever was a dream now, a distant and subtle dream that drifted through the land of broken hearts and promises.

He could still feel the way he felt as he watched her disappear from his grasp, fear gripping his every nerve. He could remember leaning his head on that white wall, holding back the tears that threatened to spill over like a waterfall.

He could still feel the guilt, the anger, the denial. The grief. He could still feel the nightmares he had each night of her getting hurt and him being able to do nothing, the nightmares that encouraged him to contact her again by orbiting around a supernova.

_Am I ever going to see you again?_

_You can't._

He could still hear her saying I love you, the tears streaming down her cheeks as she desperately said goodbye. And he could still feel the single tear down his cheek, as he was unable to finish his sentence.

And then being reunited with her again, running across the deserted alleyway with a smile that spread all the way to his ears. The unforgettable feeling of having her back again, which was taken away from him just as soon as it was given.

_He's not you._

_He needs you, and that's very me._

And now she had her happy ending and he was forced to continue without her, his hearts still broken and torn. Though it was smaller than it was before he regenerated he still had a hole in his heart that could only ever be filled by her, a wish that she was in his arms once again.

If he could only speak to her one last time…

"Doctor!" Amy shouted, waking him from his daydream. Rory stood next to him now with his arms crossed, a look of deep concern on his face.

"What?" the Doctor asked, his head aching.

"You're crying," Rory remarked as Amy wiped away one of his tears, her lip trembling.

"I was worried about you," she whispered.

"Right," the Doctor choked, "That was… well then. Shall we continue on with our day?"


End file.
